synthesizing heart and soul

Angel | 19 | They/Them, En/End

Please check my carrd (specifically DNI section) before following


Oh ya just a heads up I'm still gonna post art and stuff but I'll hold off on posting sketches on here for now, until I know for sure what the guidelines are gonna be. And since most of the OC content I do is sketches, I might post less on my OC blog. Gonna upload them on my private instagram, mostly, so um. ya ^w^

angelicaphelion -

i dont think im gonna quit waterfall *just* yet but here's my other socials in case anyone else does or i do in the near future (private/spam insta, which you can all rq to follow)

AngelicAphelion#0769 (discord, ask me if u want to join a server w a couple friends) (carrd with other less used socials)

autiestella asked:

oh oh! also machigerita-P make LOT horror-y & weird stuff, & super popular song is trick and treat by OSTER project (quite few warnings!)

OO YES also very good vibes, thank you so much for all the recs ^w^

autiestella asked:

oh oh oh! heard vocaloid song "dream-eating monochrome baku"? feel like gives vibes maybe you appreciate hehe

angelicaphelion -

OOO yesss it's very good

angelicaphelion -


OOO YES YES YES very good i love these a lot... will make sure to listen to more!!

autiestella asked:

oh oh oh! heard vocaloid song "dream-eating monochrome baku"? feel like gives vibes maybe you appreciate hehe

OOO yesss it's very good

autiestella asked:

stella giveeee virtual mac & cheese! lot this stuff going outside scope can rly comment on but regardless what happen from here, just, sending happy your way :D

thank uuuu :]

i cant make a big post about this whole shit bcuz im just like. brain full no coherent thoughts.

but like. idk at this point im just tired!!! thell can't moderate the server and work on site dev at the same time, and he's just. not a good mod!! sorry but that's the truth!! not everyone can be a good mod and sometimes its good to realize u cant do everything urself!!!

a group of mods could've easily de-escelated the situation (everytime its been happening) by giving timeouts to the concerned people and just saying "x has been put in timeout for y, y behavior is not tolerated" and followed up on those people.

what thell has done (talking privately to the person who's been put in timeout) makes it seem like no action has been taken publicly, which lead to people believing he hadnt done anything at all, especially when people know they're friends.

and. once again, i agree that maybe my art wasnt put in the right category of "art or image post", but the wording of the original post that linked my art *really* made it seem like my art was less worthy of protection, simply on account of being a sketch, regardless of whether or not i spent time on it or not. like. yes my sketches look really simple and unfinished, but that doesn't mean i put less time on them than the rest of my art.

once again, i dont want any more asks about this, but if Insolent is reading this, idk. maybe message me on discord instead of ignoring my messages asking you to at least apologize for the wording on the discord server.

novodemons asked:

wait theyve been talking about YOUR ART??

but your art is legit so good i wish mine was at your's quality! ur coloring is so pretty!

im working on it but im new to digital lmao

but even medium wise

like your sketches have the fluidity and style that good art has, u know what i mean

like i am so confused why r they saying anything about ur art! its excellent!

thank u ^_^ and yea they were talking about a sketch i posted on my oc account

ngl having my art in the middle of all this has made me skip the depression phase and just go straight to acceptance and euphoria. feeling like this rn

i dont think im gonna quit waterfall *just* yet but here's my other socials in case anyone else does or i do in the near future (private/spam insta, which you can all rq to follow)

AngelicAphelion#0769 (discord, ask me if u want to join a server w a couple friends) (carrd with other less used socials)

cjadewyton -

I really just want to say, now that I’ve had a sleep and my head’s in place.

The thing that stuck out most to me in the conversation last night was that someone’s actual real art was used by someone else as an example of what was “less deserving” of protection, without the artist’s consent. I saw no apology for the wording of the post and I think it was really inappropriate to use someone’s actual work as an example.

Every time this got brought up people acted like it was others being upset by the **vague concept** of some art is better than others; but it wasn’t a concept of it, someone was non-consentually **singled out** as an example of “worse” artist out of two and when they expressed their discomfort and upset they were ignored/glossed over and it was not shown to be addressed.

It’s VERY important to me that the wording of the post wasn’t “the algorithm will have a worse time with this one” and that it was “this one is *less deserving of protection*”. And it was very frustrating that the insulting wording went ignored by people in the server and that I saw no correction or apology about the use of a real user’s work.

Users should **not** be allowed to single out other users and their art, especially not publicly in front of the entire server and I think it’s *absolutely reasonable* that some people want to leave after seeing a user singled out as a “bad example” be left unaddressed. It was an uncomfortable thing to witness it go ignored when, on other art sites like deviantart, singling out another artist’s work as a bad example is often considered a form of harassment by staff.

A lot of heat from yesterday, at least after I came in, was sparked by the insulting comment and it progressed when people ignored the fact the comment had been insulting.

A LOT of people were trying to say “I’m upset that this users art was used as an example of art that the poster considered bad” but people then replied with talk about the algorithm not being able to pick it up, when the algorithm was **not** the issue with the comment; the direct and real insult to the quality of another user’s work was the issue.

If the comment had been “this sort of art is hard for the algorithm to pick up” I would have no issue. But the original comment was actively implying that an artist’s drawing was worse than another artist’s. It is one thing to talk about some art pieces being good or bad, it is *another thing entirely* to single out a user as an example.

THAT is what a lot of people are upset about and it is making me EXTREMELY uncomfortable that it is has not been addressed, especially now that statements are being made about other things. Where is the acknowledgement of the harm that was done to this artist? Not even just acknowledgement by Thell, but acknowledgement by the overall community? I care about all of you. And I care about the artist who was singled out. And I’m very upset that this is what the community decided was okay to do to someone.

I have supported the site with money before. I was a kickstarter backer, an on-off patron, and I have put actual real effort into advertising the website and had multiple people join on my recommendation, even before things such as the invite system were implemented. And now I feel genuinely **embarrassed** and upset that I put my name and money out there for a community that allowed the public calling out and insult of someone who **literally did nothing wrong** with no obvious statement against it or repercussions for the hurt that was caused.

I’m very upset that the community drowned out the fact that a real actual person, a member of the community, was so obviously hurt by their work being used in the server without their consent. It was far from appropriate and it's left an extremely bad taste in my mouth.

I do not want to be part of a community that thinks it is appropriate to treat its members this way.

on frustration with Waterfall development

babushka -

1. Where does frustration with the site development come from?

Waterfall is a nice functional site with decent people on it, it has some neat features, doesn't lag terribly, and doesn't allow creeps on it. However, it's still underdeveloped, and you can't deny it. There's no fast reblog, the queue is set up for two days forward for no apparent reason, I can't write a text box, a message, or create a page without encountering some bugs. These issues are currently being worked on at a steady pace, and we have all agreed to wait until those are solved because we understand the struggles of one man behind this unexpectedly huge project. Most people I know aren't frustrated with how fast the site is developing. However, there is no set in stone date people can look forward to, and all the existing deadlines keep getting delayed, which create some frustration for some of us.

The frustration arises when people start talking about some new global features, or the overhaul of the old, already existing ones, and the way those discussions are being handled. As I see, people on the staff side experience concerns with the way some of the current systems work in the way that they're not very "beneficial for the site" in terms of newcomers, which is frustrating for staff, too. As someone who doesn't see the site from the inside, I often assume that the most trouble newcomers are having are the same troubles I am having, and a lot of them might disappear after the second update. However, the discussion of possible overhauls of big systems that people are currently allegedly misusing creates the illusion that those overhauls will happen and form a new direction for the site. Even if nothing is being implemented right now, people are starting to worry as if though the changes are already being implemented because they are being talked about.

They're mostly being talked about on discord, where it's easy to take stuff completely out of context since a lot of messages are happening at the same time, and the information is easily missed. This leads people to wrong conclusions from time to time and causes more frustration. Also, discord is not something everyone has, visits regularly, or even is aware of, because of multiple valid reasons, including mental health ones. So, some frustration from my side roots in me seeing staff blog say something like "I've talked to people on discord on it and they say it's fine so we will do it" while me not being aware the discussion even happened or that I could join it. I've only seen it happen once, however, so this is more of an exception, but I thought it still is worth mentioning.

In this part of the post, I've covered my perspective on where the frustration comes from. The second part of the post will be about how it is expressed and handled.

babushka -

2. How is frustration expressed and handled? Why does it cause more frustration?

So the discussions on discord went nowhere and left everyone frustrated. The user side is upset for not being able to have a proper discussion, and the staff side is upset because they feel like they're getting bullied and threatened by the userbase on top of their already high workload. Why did this happen? Why did the discussion about what was supposed to be technical details turn personal? Well, unfortunately, the discussion was ultimately about the user experience, and the user experience is personal, so people have shared their personal opinions. Also, in a chat, people type fast and think fast, so some stuff was said without thinking and got too personal. Thus the frustrations arose that weren't about technical details, but more about the terminology surrounding them, which derailed the discussion to further frustration of everyone. But on top of that, I feel like there was a bunch of narratives that were pushed through the discussion (not by Thell personally mind you, I don't exactly remember who said that and I am not going to put words in Thell's mouth) which just left everyone upset. Here are said narratives.

  1. Judging someone's art quality. Thell has stated repeatedly both in discord and wf that he specifically doesn't want to define what is an art and what isn't, and if there's good art or bad art. But we still ended up having the debate about art quality at least three consecutive times on discord, all the time with the same people. And some people went as far as just saying something along the lines "sorry but yes I am implying your art is shitty" and we all just had to deal with the fact that the conversation is going in this tone. I am aware that the timeouts were handed out for the rude user, but it was done completely behind the scenes, with no acknowledgement of rude behaviour being unacceptable and with no way for me to even tell that there was a timeout going on, which didn't really make the environment feel more welcoming and polite.

  2. The greater good of the site. The narrative about "people complaining because they don't understand what's actually good for them and the site" and the suggestions of completely ignoring said complaints "for the greater good" and "because there will always be someone who complains" were encountered multiple times by me. Now, I don't completely disagree with the fact that for every feature there will be people in the world who just aren't satisfied with it. But it also seems kinda weird to me to imply that there's only one certain way for the site to grow, even though the current direction of Waterfall isn't even specified as anything else but "definitely not Tumblr 2.0 also artists". Some sites rely entirely on poorly drawn shitty memes and some sites are for displaying high-quality professional photography. Sites can go in many directions and gain activity in multiple ways. And the weirdest thing to me was in this narrative was the implication that we can sacrifice the needs of existing site users by implementing something that might potentially attract new users. In Russia, we have a saying "a sparrow in the hand is better than a crane in the sky". A crane is a bigger bird, but you don't have it yet, and if you let go of your sparrow to catch a crane, you might lose both.

  3. Userbase expressing concerns means they hate Thell. But at the same time, I saw a narrative about Thell being "bullied" into implementing featured, being called names, and "threatened" by people who say they are about to leave the site. Now, I haven't seen all the post, I believe there are people who are being purposefully rude to staff which is honestly uncalled for. However, I've mostly observed people expressing constructive criticism politely, and staff side taking the issue with certain words, which felt... Kinda weird? The words "elitist", etc. were thrown around because people were expressing how they've felt and why they are frustrated, and someone saying "you are using elitist language" doesn't equal someone calling you purposefully being elitist, just like people saying "this is ableist language" aren't calling you ableist, and even if they're calling you out on said behaviour in a civil manner, which I've seen most people do, this isn't an insult, this is an opportunity to learn to be more considerate. And people saying they're going to leave the site because a certain thing has left them frustrated... What else are they supposed to do or say? Leave quietly or stay at the site that bothers them because they don't want to offend staff by expressing their frustration in any way at all? Is that a community we want to build? Is there a way to express constructive criticism which is not considered offensive? I honestly have no idea at this point.

  4. Discord is a great discussion platform. It's not. And still, I saw someone suggesting that the voices of people who don't come to discord because of various valid reasons should just be ignored because they "don't care enough". Don't think there was anyone else backing this point, but I've noticed it and I don't think this is a valid point at all.

In this part of the post, I've talked about the discussion that's happened and the sources of frustration that arose during this discussion.

I am not sure about the third part, going on a little break now.

artrogant asked:

thoughts on bill ciphr and wjeath boi (wheatley)

oh well. you know.

naiad asked:

Idk everything that happened but someone gave me a general idea and honestly seeing your art on my dash always makes me very happy! n_n

thank you so much!! ^_^

cosmicrot asked:

hope you're doing okay!
this has all been hella stressful and woof while i'm surprised, happy, and sad to see i'm not the only one with issues with the server... I know it's exhausting

so uhh here's me sending good vibes to you!! ~~~ or somethig idk I'm not good at this stuff lol.

autiestella asked:

just!! want say in all this think you rly cool & love your art!! you deserve good :D

Thank you!!!!

An Anonymous user asked:

thell an insolent love complainin about how nothin is ever good enough 4 the site an that ppl are always doggin on the site cause of wat thell does and watever but really he shoots down so mny ideas 4 middle ground stff that would help with only addin a lil extra work instead of ALOT extra work

dosnt he realize this is goin to drive ppl away from the site??? sucks if it ends in more work 4 him but would he rather have more work or people shittin on the site an leavin in hoards?? you know??

and insolent acts like every1 is just bein a baby or tryin to make thell exhausted when theyre jus tryin to find a middle ground


An Anonymous user asked:

you don't have to answer this but lmao yeah it's fucking exhausting in the server.

especially when insolent deadass reminds me of one of my abusers with how they talk and that thell just lets it slide every time they're fucking mean and shitty to people.

there's two other people in there too that are constantly combative, rude, defensive, and downright insult people or treat people like shit, and they always get a damn pass... it gives me a headache even trying to have a constructive conversation in there anymore.

so much talk about escaping the toxicity and drama and rudeness of tumblr, and then they act exactly like tumblr in the server lololol

YEAH THIS. its like. maddening 2 see it happen bc realistically i dont want to be rude by responding bluntly but also grr bark bark im about to start biting people

thell not aknowledging that the discord server has issues with aggression and toxicity nd i am just sitting here like.